hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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