think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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