God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
