Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
