it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
