i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize