After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize