i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
