is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
