roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
