I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
