angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The struggles of a small town man whore
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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