It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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