I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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