"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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