Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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