ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
