At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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