Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
