I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
