he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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