I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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