you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
