My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
two words...techno handjob
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
