God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
