I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
