Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize