you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
