I can't watch pbs sober anymore
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
