I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
