If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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