Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
