plz talk dirty to me
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
