Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
