No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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