If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
