Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
