now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize