My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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