Three words: puerto rican gang bang
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
