Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
