ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
