im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize