i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize