you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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