Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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