I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
