My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize