Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
