Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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