I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
