why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize