I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
