Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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