He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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