I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
