is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
