So drunk its hurt
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
