I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
