woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize