rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
