I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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