I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
