I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
