I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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