he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
