I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
