Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
