On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
