Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
