This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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