I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
